I have my first contract, a wonderful opportunity to consult for a formulary management company, to put my skills to work and do my magic.

I am scared.

This may not come as a surprise to you, but I have been struggling with moving forward.  I want to protect myself from being in a vulnerable position to experience more trauma and humiliation.  If I want to move forward, I need to let myself be vulnerable again.  That sounds a lot easier than it is.

I have been inching my way forward. I have made good progress with setting up my business.

In an effort to make sense of this cold feet moment, I’m going to allow that this woke me up in the middle of the night.

Bear with me while I work through these feelings by listing them out and logically breaking them down, to make sense and not turn it into something bigger than it deserves.

I’m afraid of experiencing the humiliation that came from losing my job.

I’m afraid that I won’t bring value and even as I write this, I realize how ridiculous that is…. I need to shut this down.  End of story, I’m shutting it down!

Am I biting off more than I can chew?   I hired a business coach to keep me on track and to hold me accountable with my priorities.

These are the 3 things that are freaking me out.  My fear of humiliation, imposter syndrome and lack of time which are not insurmountable and even if it happens again, I will learn and grow from it, like I did before.  I’ve come too far to shut down now, it is my time to step up, expand and shine my bright light and let it land.