A year ago, I took a step back and gave myself permission to do nothing. See my blog about washing my windows () I got clear, I unpacked my boxes, I cleaned my closets and settled into my apartment. I gave myself permission to be.
Fast forward to this year I am taking a minute to reflect on my transformation. I shifted gears in a big way. I took notice of what was working for me and what wasn’t. I started my business, became a consultant, put my network to work and got to work.
When fear crept up that I was going to blow it, I invested in myself and hired a coach. As a result, my life has shifted in a powerful way. I see things differently. I see things that trigger me and I notice them and I let them go.
It isn’t easy. When I slip back into my old ways, I notice the familiar patterns and now I understand where they come from and that they are trying to protect me.
I’m going to share what I have learned.
My ego or inner voice means well but messes things up when she narrowly focuses on survival, she doesn’t see the big picture and has no scruples about how she gets what she wants.
She doesn’t believe she’s beautiful or smart and therefore, not lovable or worthy.
She believes that she will be cast out left isolated and alone unless people see that she is smart, attractive, industrious or physically exerting herself.
She rejects people who restrict her from doing things she loves or tries to cross her boundaries. She has become very clear about her boundaries.
She is drawn to sadness and anger. These things are familiar.
She is vulnerable right now because she is unpacking all of this, exposing her perceived deception and self-doubt. She worries that people will see her for a fraud and that she’s not lovable.
She is learning that is not the case, she is loved, worthy and safe, despite, her appearance, status or achievements. She is giddy with her truth and allowing herself expansion.
Last week, she bought a house. She’s going home.